Pardon me, I'm having a pity party

So...back in October I started running. I got up to running a mile a day and I was pretty stinkin' proud of myself. I had lost some weight and was so so close to being back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

Then I got mastitis. Yeah...ouch.

By the time I healed from that, I had completely lost my ability to run a mile and we were getting busy with the holidays so I quit working out. But I didn't gain any weight back.

Nope...I didn't gain any weight during our seven day cruise. I didn't gain any weight during Thanksgiving. Or the day after Thanksgiving. I didn't gain any weight during Christmas or New Years.

Then mid January rolled around and I started gaining weight. From mid-January to mid-April I gained nearly 30lbs. (27 at last count.)

I had a slew of other issues going on. My diet had not changed but my activity level plummeted because I was so fatigued. I wanted to sleep all the time, my joints ached, my digestive track was a mess, I was nauseated ALL THE TIME, I had tension headaches, horrible stomach cramps (that behaved VERY similarly to contractions), I quit ovulating and my period became irregular, my skin was dry and cracked and my face was breaking out.

Fantastic. I get to be fat, zitty and lay around on the time.

By mid-April I had enough. The doctor who actually took the time to do some blood work found nothing. A gluten-free diet helped slightly, but bloodwork showed no indication of a gluten-intolerance. (We still continue to eat gluten-free *MOST* of the time.) My thyroid, blood sugar, hormones...everything was "normal".

That's when I decided to start running.

For two weeks I did the Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred to build up my endurance. Then I started the C25K program. The first and second weeks were relatively easy, then it started kicking my butt in week 3.

At week 4 I added in ten minutes of ab work daily. I bumped the ab work up to 15 minutes this week (week 6). I also added in walks 4-5 nights a week. This week, in week 6, I added in upper body weights on the days I don't run, as well as yoga in the mornings that I don't run.

As of tomorrow, I will have completed 8 solid weeks of working out at the least, 3 days a week and at most, 6 days. But good, hard work-outs every single time.

My diet has changed too. Smaller portions, more loaded with fruits, veggies and proteins than anything else. I cut back on most dairy and carbs. Now, let's not get stupid...if I want a piece of chocolate, I have a piece...but I stop at ONE piece, no longer am I eating huge amounts of sweets...a piece here and there, not every day even.

So, 8 weeks of good solid work-outs and a good diet.

Guess how much weight I've lost in 8 weeks?

4lbs. Yeah....4lbs. But, actually it's more like 1 lb since I gained 3lbs the first four weeks.

To say I was discouraged would be an understatement. I actually felt defeated and crushed.

And then my husband works out for a week and loses 10 lbs. Nope, not joking. 10 lbs. I cried for about 30 minutes after hearing that. What's wrong with me?

So, for the past three days or so I've had my little pity party.

But then this afternoon, something clicked.

I'm running.

It's a simple two-word statement, but it's a HUGE accomplishment for me.

Deep inside, I've always dreamed of calling myself a runner. To look forward to getting up and hitting the track, the road, the treadmill...just, whatever, just going. I always made excuses for myself:

-I'm not built to run.
-My boobs are too big to run.
-I'm too fat, I'll hurt myself.
-If God wanted me to run I'd be a deer/cheetah/dog...not a human.
-I can't.
-I'm too slow.

I believed every one of those excuses.

But it six weeks, I've gone from being winded after a sixty second run to running a mile in 11 minutes and 37 seconds. I can run two miles non-stop. I'm running a REAL race in a few weeks. I'm considering training for a triathlon AND a half-marathon.

But not only am I running...my body is getting stronger. My heart rate the first week I ran was in the 180's, HIGH 180's. By week 3, it was in the 150's. When I ran on Thursday, it was 149. My resting heart rate has slowed down as well. I can see and feel muscles in my legs that I didn't know were there. I see muscles in my ARMS and I feel them in my back!

And best of all...I feel amazing. The issues I was having before...some are still around. But the headaches, fatigue and nausea are GONE.

I feel confident. I feel STRONG.

And going through all this, it made me realize how amazing my body is.

I grew a human. I then gave birth to said human (without drugs!) and nourished him with my body exclusively for six months, and continued to breastfeed him. He's two and still nursing. God created my body to grow a human, give birth to a human and nourish a human. How amazing is THAT???

So, I don't have a body like Jessica Alba...and I'm not sure if I'll ever lose this weight and be back to pre-pregnancy weight (which, still didn't look like Jessica Alba.)

But...I can run. And I make milk for my son. And I'm active and happy and confident. (And my husband loves me and my body...so that says something, right?)

And I'm loving, loving this life I have. And I'm loving my body too.

I think I'll call myself a runner now. That makes me smile.