Friday, June 10, 2011

Pardon me, I'm having a pity party

So...back in October I started running. I got up to running a mile a day and I was pretty stinkin' proud of myself. I had lost some weight and was so so close to being back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

Then I got mastitis. Yeah...ouch.

By the time I healed from that, I had completely lost my ability to run a mile and we were getting busy with the holidays so I quit working out. But I didn't gain any weight back.

Nope...I didn't gain any weight during our seven day cruise. I didn't gain any weight during Thanksgiving. Or the day after Thanksgiving. I didn't gain any weight during Christmas or New Years.

Then mid January rolled around and I started gaining weight. From mid-January to mid-April I gained nearly 30lbs. (27 at last count.)

I had a slew of other issues going on. My diet had not changed but my activity level plummeted because I was so fatigued. I wanted to sleep all the time, my joints ached, my digestive track was a mess, I was nauseated ALL THE TIME, I had tension headaches, horrible stomach cramps (that behaved VERY similarly to contractions), I quit ovulating and my period became irregular, my skin was dry and cracked and my face was breaking out.

Fantastic. I get to be fat, zitty and lay around on the time.

By mid-April I had enough. The doctor who actually took the time to do some blood work found nothing. A gluten-free diet helped slightly, but bloodwork showed no indication of a gluten-intolerance. (We still continue to eat gluten-free *MOST* of the time.) My thyroid, blood sugar, hormones...everything was "normal".

That's when I decided to start running.

For two weeks I did the Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred to build up my endurance. Then I started the C25K program. The first and second weeks were relatively easy, then it started kicking my butt in week 3.

At week 4 I added in ten minutes of ab work daily. I bumped the ab work up to 15 minutes this week (week 6). I also added in walks 4-5 nights a week. This week, in week 6, I added in upper body weights on the days I don't run, as well as yoga in the mornings that I don't run.

As of tomorrow, I will have completed 8 solid weeks of working out at the least, 3 days a week and at most, 6 days. But good, hard work-outs every single time.

My diet has changed too. Smaller portions, more loaded with fruits, veggies and proteins than anything else. I cut back on most dairy and carbs. Now, let's not get stupid...if I want a piece of chocolate, I have a piece...but I stop at ONE piece, no longer am I eating huge amounts of sweets...a piece here and there, not every day even.

So, 8 weeks of good solid work-outs and a good diet.

Guess how much weight I've lost in 8 weeks?

4lbs. Yeah....4lbs. But, actually it's more like 1 lb since I gained 3lbs the first four weeks.

To say I was discouraged would be an understatement. I actually felt defeated and crushed.

And then my husband works out for a week and loses 10 lbs. Nope, not joking. 10 lbs. I cried for about 30 minutes after hearing that. What's wrong with me?

So, for the past three days or so I've had my little pity party.

But then this afternoon, something clicked.

I'm running.

It's a simple two-word statement, but it's a HUGE accomplishment for me.

Deep inside, I've always dreamed of calling myself a runner. To look forward to getting up and hitting the track, the road, the treadmill...just, whatever, just going. I always made excuses for myself:

-I'm not built to run.
-My boobs are too big to run.
-I'm too fat, I'll hurt myself.
-If God wanted me to run I'd be a deer/cheetah/dog...not a human.
-I can't.
-I'm too slow.

I believed every one of those excuses.

But it six weeks, I've gone from being winded after a sixty second run to running a mile in 11 minutes and 37 seconds. I can run two miles non-stop. I'm running a REAL race in a few weeks. I'm considering training for a triathlon AND a half-marathon.

But not only am I body is getting stronger. My heart rate the first week I ran was in the 180's, HIGH 180's. By week 3, it was in the 150's. When I ran on Thursday, it was 149. My resting heart rate has slowed down as well. I can see and feel muscles in my legs that I didn't know were there. I see muscles in my ARMS and I feel them in my back!

And best of all...I feel amazing. The issues I was having before...some are still around. But the headaches, fatigue and nausea are GONE.

I feel confident. I feel STRONG.

And going through all this, it made me realize how amazing my body is.

I grew a human. I then gave birth to said human (without drugs!) and nourished him with my body exclusively for six months, and continued to breastfeed him. He's two and still nursing. God created my body to grow a human, give birth to a human and nourish a human. How amazing is THAT???

So, I don't have a body like Jessica Alba...and I'm not sure if I'll ever lose this weight and be back to pre-pregnancy weight (which, still didn't look like Jessica Alba.)

But...I can run. And I make milk for my son. And I'm active and happy and confident. (And my husband loves me and my that says something, right?)

And I'm loving, loving this life I have. And I'm loving my body too.

I think I'll call myself a runner now. That makes me smile.


  1. You know what, I bet after this post the weight will start coming off. Anytime I've felt defeated with weight loss- I vent it out and whine about it... then suddenly- it melts off! I think there is something very psychological to all of this. Once you let go- your body will let go. LOL how is that for some woo-y stuff!

    But in reality- your body may be stubborn right now because you're still nursing- it wants to hold onto all your fat reserves for your milk.

    I believe you're eating a good diet.. and if there really is nothing wrong with your hormones or thyroid.. I would try a radical paleo diet for 30 days, just to see what happens. Meat, seafood, veggies, fruit, some nuts. That's it- no legumes, no grains of any kind, no sugar of any kind. Just 30 days- it may kick start something. And if not, well then you can say "Nina I tried that." and I'll shut up about it LOL You can go on over to go to the forum and ask Q's there too- lots of women who have stubborn fat cells that don't want to go away and they talk about what works... while the men seem to lose the weight effortlessly- not fair I know. This seems to be true of any diet/work out regimen.

    I'm excited for you though- living your dream of being a runner! You're a runner!!!

  2. Congrats on being a runner! I'd bet you haven't lost weight, because you're replacing fat with muscle ;) Your body IS amazing.

    It's amazing to me how differently we can learn to view our bodies after becoming mothers. I never truly appreciated my own until it came through for me in childbirth and then nourished my baby. It never looked like Jessica Alba's either, and likely never will, but I love it now, because it does what I need it to do. I could use a run, though...

    Oh, and hi. I'm from NPN - welcome to the community! <3

  3. What a wonderful post! I'm very proud of you, and you've given me inspiration. Thank you so much!

  4. Yes, yes, yes! You are a runner!
    I had a very similar experience with my running. I started C25K in August and it was hard. I was never a runner. In fact, I was a dedicated non-runner, but I wanted to challenge myself. I've been running since then but the numbers on the scale haven't changed much: I started at 155 and now I'm at 153. After eleven months of running. I was discouraged until I realized a few things:
    1. My clothes fit better. Muscle is more dense than fat. Five pounds of muscle is small and compact while five pounds of fat isn't. I was losing inches even if the scale wasn't moving.
    2. I can run! I am a runner! I can do something that makes me feel good about myself, and it is good for me and my health, and? I'm setting a great example for my son.

    Be proud, mama! You are doing great work. The scale is NOT the only measure of your success.

  5. Good for you! I have used every one of those excuses for not being a runner. The one that really gets me, though, is a bum hip. But I am a yogi, and I love it :-) Thank you for an inspirational post!

  6. I really admire your post, it takes so much strength to post it, as well as will power to stick to a healthy lifestyle.

    That being said I encourage you to do some research on hypo/hyperthyroidism. "normal' bloodwork doesn't always mean normal for you.

    This is a small snap shot of my story. The mental side of things, but physically you described what I went through. My blood work was normal. For 5 years my blood work was normal. Pregnancy was a miracle b/c I rarely ovulated anymore. But then it happened, after our 2nd DD was born, I felt great! For the first time in years I felt human again - but my blood work was off so my Dr wanted to lower my thyroid hormones. I pleaded with ehr to leave it, she did. But a few months later I felt horrible again. My blood work was normal. I've since done a lot of research and found that sticking to the more hyper end of the spectrum allows most people to feel better. I also found out that most Dr.s only bother treating TSH fluctuations - and don't bother with T3/T4 fluctuations, but if the T# is off, then no matter what they do to the TSH levels your body won't get what it needs to function normally.

    The others are right - the scale isn't a measure of your success (or health) how do you FEEL? If you feel great, you have healthy skin and hair, then great - if not, then figure out why, no amount of running can help if your body isn't healthy.