Friday, January 11, 2013

Silence Revisited

Earlier during December I said I was going on a FB break to offer silence for time to mourn. I also wanted to process some of the emotions I was feeling.

I signed off on Tuesday night. Wednesday I spent with my boys. We cleaned, cooked and I found it refreshing to just focus on my family. That evening we went to bible study where my husband did a short talk about courage. It really stuck me because I wondered how much of my life I spent being silent because I was afraid of what others would think of me, if they'd be mean or not want to be friends anymore. I reflected on my recent FB decision to be silent and wondered if it was for the right reasons. Lots to ponder.

The next morning I was awoken by my oldest throwing up on me. (Nothing will get you out of bed faster, I promise!!) he had a high fever and for the next eight hours he threw up every forty minutes. It was heartbreaking and I was needing advice, so I logged onto Facebook to "consult the hippies". (That's what my husband calls it when I ask my friends for crunchy/natural medical or parenting advice.)

Upon logging on I discovered I had five messages in my inbox. All of them needed to be answered soon.

I also had been the recipient of a generous gift from the lovely ladies at the Natural Parents Network in honor of JohnDavid's birth, so I felt it necessary to thank them immediately, because it was something I was incredibly touched and thankful for receiving.

And in the midst of dealing with vomit, replying to friends and thanking friends, it hit me -- I can't avoid social networking. I'm too social. I'm about a extroverted as you can get, and the idea of me avoiding a website where the majority of my friends were active was laughable. I'm shamed faced to admit that this hasn't occurred to me before.

However, I do think there is a time for silence and mourning. And I think there is wisdom in bowing out when you feel overwhelmed by a subject, as I was feeling. Whatever your cause is, spouting off in anger doesn't do much to help it.

I want to be honest and I want people to know who I am. I want the confidence to post about things that I feel strongly about without being attacked. Positive, respectful disagreement is always, always welcomed. I don't want to be surrounded by people who think *exactly* like me. But I do want to be surrounded by people who are thoughtful, regardless of their differences.

So, I apologize for not thinking this through.

Sigh. Back to blogging. And Facebook.

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