I haven't blogged lately and I apologize. Things have been crazy, shortly after returning from Atlanta my dad and I had to make a very quick, sudden trip to Alabama for a funeral.
Thus, my house was left unattended for basically two weeks. Unattended means my husband was home alone.
Things are finally back in order, clean, laundry is caught up on....and I've had time to do a lot of thinking.
I've felt myself changing a lot recently. I think the combination of some "alone" time + funeral has left me realizing several things about myself. I think I had been unhappy...not with my situation in life (which is wonderful), but with myself. I think I had kind of lost who I was....and found it. Then realized life was too short to lose myself again.
I've felt closer to God than I ever have lately. The devil had definitely been playing a bigger role in my life than I wanted to admit...mostly in the area of discouragement.
I'm different. I've always been different. And as a parent, those differences emerge quite obviously. I go back and forth between loving being different and being frustrated by it. I'm left out a lot, ignored, made fun of....that IS frustrating. Especially at 27 when you just want to scream "Um...we are adults....stop the pettiness." But then I realize...I tend to push myself away from people sometimes. I don't know if it is a defense mechanism, and if it is...what am I trying to defend myself from? It might just be away to prove I AM different. I really have no desire to be like everyone else...but I do want to be accepted by everyone else. Does that make sense? In my head it does.
For some reason though, I've felt more like me than ever. I think part of it is allowing my "true" self to be seen.
It's been quite fun. I enjoy self-discovery.
I also enjoy coffee and my coffee cup is empty. I must remedy that. Now.